[

Current Mood

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blah

]

'Tis the human touch in this world that counts,
   The touch or your hand and mine,
Which means far more to the fainting heart
   Than shelter and bread and wine;
For shelter is gone when the night is o'er,
   And bread lasts only a day,
But the touch of the hand and the sound of a voice
   Sing on in the soul alway.

[

Current Mood

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contemplative

]

1)  I am presently aware of the fact that I missed out on something that I will regret in the future, can change, am not exactly sure how

    to, and probably wouldn't change had I the chance to do so.

2)  I am seeing myself more clearly every day and what I find scares me.

3)  Generally speaking, I am confused.

4)  I'm lonely, but it's an inner thing.  Like, I'm lonely for myself.  Until this is resolved I believe I will feel lonely at all times.

5)  I love music soooo much it's scary.  I need it sooo much.  It's my air.

6)  I want to laugh and cry and sing and run and scream and ask questions and love and hate and whisper and hug and stare blankly.

7)  I think too much, it's my biggest flaw I think.

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

[	Current Mood	|	nerdy	]
[	Current Music	|	Elf!	]

Beauty is an interesting phenomenon.  People respond to it to many different ways.  Some people are extra nice to beautiful people.  I’m guilty of that.  I’m not sure what the reason behind it is, but I will say I get satisfaction out of being accepted by beautiful people.  Maybe when they accept you they are in some way saying you’re equal to them.  The thing is beautiful are not equal to others in some ways/cases.  Just like Geniuses are not equal to others in some ways/cases.  Granted that’s not the way things are supposed to be, the truth is that’s the way things are.  They’re treated differently.  Some people are extra mean to beautiful people.  This may be because they are smart (or think they are) and assume that beautiful people swear by their good looks and can’t possibly be more than a pretty face.  Others are mean to beautiful people as a defense mechanism.  They assume beautiful people will dismiss them as inferior to them and in turn, beat them to the punch.  There may be other reasons people are mean to beauties, but I’ve only experience with the two above reasons.

I once got stiffed for ten bucks (two screwdrivers) by a beautiful man.  I felt like he was too beautiful to bother about paying his check (though I did keep an eye on him, or so I thought).  I ended up paying for it, which I felt I deserved for being so stupid.  I’m pretty sure all those heart-fluttering looks he was shooting me was all a part of his plan to use his looks to get what he wanted.  See what I mean?  An average man couldn’t have done that to me.

I often wonder if idolizing beauty is a bad thing.  I mean, I definitely don’t put it above God.  After all, from my point of view, he created all that is beautiful (and some things that aren’t so, ha-ha).  So it’s really like praising him for beauty.  I enjoy beautiful things.  I praise him for Jude Law as well as the Grand Canyon, sunsets and beaches.  ; )

[	Current Mood	|	pensive	]
[	Current Music	|	save us!	]

What has happened to music these days?  What we have to listen to sucks!  We're stuck with all these "pop stars" and not a whole like of  singers and artists.  It's so sad.  Of the R&B world there's only a few actual singers (i.e. Alicia Keyes and older chart-toppers making comebacks, like Anita-Thank God!), and it's so boring I can't even really listen to it, what with all the samplings and  played-out beats.  I mean, what can we(as in this generation/musical era) do with R&B that hasn't already been done?  I never really liked rap.  Though I'll dance to all night long, it's too abrasive to just sit and listen to.  I can't to the rock like I did when I was younger(korn Limp, etc.), I like some light stuff.  I do like Linkin park.  I will always have my showtunes, that goes without saying, atleast it's real singing and an actual use of vocal technique(no screaming and rifts/runs contests).  So  I've become more and more of a country fan, but even some of that's getting to me.  I've begun to lean more towards the legends(Patsy, Emmylou, etc.) and the harmonies of Rascal Flatts and the Dixie Chicks than before.  I need a break from the honkey tonk sound.  So I went to the pawn shop and bought and old record player.  I've been collecting some Streisand, carpenters, Simon&Garfunkel,etc.  I just need to here some right down croonin'.  I'm gonna get some Gladys Knight, and Beatles, and Phyllis Hyman and just chill.  I need to find my newer, more mature soulful sound.  I've tapped into a little of everying, and right now, just need to croon and be crooned.

[

Current Mood

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blah

]

                                                                  I read this on the livejournal of user itsjustlove:

[

Current Mood

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blah

]

From my glass case, I can feel the vibrations of a life taking place without me.  I hear the muffled sounds of laughter and the conversation and music.  They are living.  They see me; I pose.  I’m so interesting.  The can look, but they can’t touch, I simply wont have it.  They can attempt conversing with me; I’ll just miss it.  Whatever.  I don’t need them.  I don’t have time, I’m too interesting.  They bore me-they can believe that.  They don’t know-can’t know I’m honestly intrigued by them all.  They’d all reach for their stones, but that’s the easy way out.  I call the shots here.  When I’m ready-if I’m ready, I’ll release myself.  I can’t though, ‘cause then I wouldn’t be interesting.  How is it that they are so much more interesting that I?  I have my own case; I pose, damnit!  Like Barbie.  But kids outgrow Barbies and go to, well, each other.

I guess it’s ‘cause posing is cute, but gets old, boring, and is too predictable.  And I guess it’s ‘cause I can’t hear the music, or the jokes and therefore, they can’t relate to me.  Or maybe it’s ‘cause everyone knows that it’s dangerous to play with glass…

[

Current Mood

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pensive

]

Inside the house the shrinks with age is a dull and stale world

It's Isolated, and constricting; damp and dark

A settling uneasiness simmers

knaw knawer knawing

though you don't see a thing.

There's an ever-haunting mass: An echo; shadow

In the house that shrinks with time

it's harder to breathe

and it's harder to think

And it’s still sitting upon your chest (whatever it may be)

And your eyes are closing

But you never wink or blink

And the sandman enters before does the moon,

and before does your bed

And it’s hopeless

Your reality’s slow motion

And your mind follows suit.

In the house that shrinks with knowledge

Frustration is born, and the snapshots re-occur.  Over and over.  Again and again.

Flash-flash-flash:  AGAIN

flash-flash-flash

no light

The time is ticking, but oh so slowly with 42-hour days

And with ear-splitting silence

and a grayish tint, but your shades won’t come off.

But the warmth of the house that shrinks with age, and that shrinks with time, and that

shrinks with knowledge keeps the wind blowing, though it’s unaccompanied by it’s brothers.

 And alone it opens and closes the door,

And you enter and you exit, and you obey.

[

Current Mood

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melancholy

]

There is a girl and she hates her hair and she hates her forehead Who so hates herself and she hates her eyebrows and she hates her eyelids That she hates all who look like her and she hates her voice and she hates her shoulders And she dislikes and neglects her friends and family and she hates her breasts and she hates her arms She dislikes children and their squalls and she hates her back and she hates her belly She feels crowded when attending guests and she hates her hips and she hates her behind And she hates the sound of a ringing phone and she hates her hands and she hates her handwriting And she hates being accompanied or being alone and she hates her thighs and she hates her calves She does not believe in one man with one woman and she hates her feet and she hates her toes She hates rudeness and disrespect and she hates her toenails and fingernails alike And she hates her height and she hates her weight And she hates her life and she hates her thoughts And she's JEALOUS and hateful and she cannot pray, ‘cause she’s lost the connection  And she hates her scent and she hates her uterus and she hates her ovaries and she hates her house and she hates her home and she hates her tears and she hates her anger and she hates her vanity and she hates everything and she hates ignorance and she hates hatred and she hates greed, but she’s greedy and she hates her love for beauty and beautiful people and she hates QUESTIONS QUESTIONS  QUESTIONS and she doesn’t Believe, doesn’t Believe, doesn’t Believe in People

And she wants to be alone, but not lonely. And she needs you, but she hates you ‘cause she hates herself.

And she wants to love

And she needs to love

And she longs to love

And she tries to love

but she can’t.

She hates herself.

[	Current Mood	|	blah	]
[	Current Music	|	:::soft piano intro::: *lowered expecta-ations*	]

I made my first meatloaf ever last night!  Being that my family's not too big on meat, I'm not too hip on all of the ways to cook and eat meat (I'm still learning things about meat 'til this day).  I'm soo proud of myself!  It was eatible-and in a good way.  Hooray for learning to cook.  I just hope I don't start to like it too much.

                                                           THE END

[

Current Mood

|

confused

]

I woke up this morning

With this feeling inside me that I can't explain

Like a weight that I've carried’s, been carried away, away

But I know something is coming

I don't know what it is but I know it's amazing

And save me, my time is coming

I'll find my way out

Of this longest drought

And It feels like today, I know

It feels like today, I'm sure

It's the one thing that's missin'

The one thing I'm wishin'

Life's sacred blessin' and then

It feels like today

Feels like today

You treat life like a picture

But it's not a moment that's frozen in time

It's not gonna wait 'til you make up your mind, at all

So while this storm is breakin'

While there's light at the end of the tunnel

You keep running towards it

Releasing the pressure, that's more heartache

Soon this dam will break

And It feels like today, I know

It feels like today, I'm sure

It's the one thing that's missin'

The one thing I'm wishin'

Life's sacred blessin' and then

It feels like today

Feels like today

Feels like, feels like your life changin'…

[

Current Mood

|

determined

]

I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you can feel the world shake from the words that I said

And I'm calling all angels
And I'm calling all you angels

And I won't give up if you don't give up
I won't give up if you don't give up
I won't give up if you don't give up
I won't give up if you don't give up

I need a sign to let me know you're here
Cause my tv set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

And I'm calling all angels
And I'm calling all you angels

When children have to play inside so they don't disappear
While private eyes solve marriage lies cause we dont talk for years
And football teams are kissing queens and losing sight of having dreams
In a world where all we want is only what we want untill it's ours

And I'm calling all angels...

I won't give up if you don't give up

[	Current Mood	|	amused	]
[	Current Music	|	my own humming	]

These passed two weeks or so have been CA-RAZY!  I've had lots of people in my house.  Lots of girls, and it's been sooo fun!  My family has been extended.  I've had to feed lots of people and be a lot more responsible.  I have grown a lot this week.  I'm seriously trynna leave the pit.  They gave me a week off to think about it.  I gotta get a new job.  I've been clubbin' my ass off, and practicin' my spanish.  I've been getting pimp lessons from my new big sis, and I'm gettin' kinda good.  You gotta see me in action.  We're so silly and damn flirty together, we're like Paris and Nicole, hee hee.  I wanna go get my dance and my drink on tonight, we shall see.  Dude, I'm gonna be in Charlotte for like another year, and now that I'm done cryin', I guess it's time to become the best pimp-tress I can be!

MWAH!